One of the biggest issues to sort out when getting married (apart from actually convincing someone to be Mrs Private Bin) is obtaining a marriage licence.

And as Private Bin discovered last week, the government monopoly on issuance of marriage contracts allows it to keep a close watch on its citizens.

When he headed to the Department of Internal Affairs to get his marriage licence approved, Private Bin was stunned to discover that describing his occupation as “journalist” wasn’t “specific enough” for Big Brother.

So the word “newspaper” was added to the description.

However, the soon-to-be Mrs Private’s vague job description of “beauty therapist” came through fine, indicating that only people who may write something bad about the government are of any interest.

Overwhelmed with paranoia, Private Bin spent the train trip home looking suspiciously at the other passengers then went inside, checked the furniture for bugging devices, closed all the curtains and sat silently in the dark.