Member log in

TVNZ introduces ‘Political Arousal Test’ for journos

New Zealand Politics Today

Late News:

We understand that, following the Shane Taurima embarrassment, Television New Zealand has employed a psychometric testing company to root out staff working in the news and current affairs areas who may be prone to bias towards a particular political party or party leader.

The test is a refinement of a similar procedure used by psychologists to identify paedophiles where electrodes are attached to the offender’s genitals and he (normally it is a ‘he’) is shown photographs of a range of people of both genders and varying ages. Signs of sexual arousal when shown photographs of children allow the testers to gauge the strength and direction of the subject’s inappropriate desires and, it is hoped, to devise aversive therapies to curb those desires.

Current and prospective TVNZ journalists and interviewers will from now on be required to undergo this ‘political arousal test’. Once the electrodes have been attached to their private parts they will be shown a rapid-fire, random series of photographs of John Key, David Cunliffe, Russell Norman, Meteria Turei, Colin Craig, Tariana Turia, Jamie Whyte and Hone Harawira.

It is understood that preliminary results from the programme (or ‘dry runs’, as they are called) have necessitated recalibration of the testing equipment. On being shown photographs of the party leaders, the libidos of all the TVNZ reporters and interviewers fell to such an extent that no reliable data could be extrapolated.

In an attempt to ‘de-inhibit’ the party leaders, the researchers sought their agreement to undertake the test naked. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this outrageous suggestion was rejected by all but one of the leaders, Mr Craig stating that he had ‘nothing to hide’. 


In a news release late this afternoon, TVNZ has announced its intention to abandon the political arousal testing programme. This follows the leaking of pages from the testing company’s final report to the broadcaster. Despite the recalibration of the equipment, it transpires that, having taken a vow of journalistic celibacy, political reporters and interviewers are perfectly capable of repressing their personal attraction to a particular party or party leader. They are, in effect, political eunuchs.

Professor Hans Gluck, a prominent Freudian psychologist has nonetheless pooh-poohed the abandonment of the research. Claiming that long-term repression of one’s feelings and desires was impossible and that the journalists’ biases would eventually resurface in even more malign form, he suggested that TVNZ CEO Kevin Kenrick urgently read Franz Kafka’s short story The Metamorphosis, in which the hero, Gregor Samsa, wakes up one morning to discover that he has been turned into a beetle. Mr Kenrick ‘only had to watch TV3 News to realise that this was already happening’.

Media commentator, Dr Brian Edwards, who coincidentally wrote a Ph.D. on Franz Kafka, for once declined to spend an hour offering his views to our reporter. ‘I tried the political arousal test in the privacy of my Herne Bay mansion,’ he said, ‘and was horrified to discover that I am deeply attracted to a senior member of ACT.’

TV3 political editor Patrick Gower has issued defamation proceedings against Professor Gluck. Gluck had claimed that Gower was repressing a deep-seated attraction to Labour leader David Cunliffe.

Media commentator and trainer Dr Brian Edwards posts at Brian Edwards Media.

Comments and questions

So does this mean that TVNZ will stick to copy and pasting from Al Jazeera, various anti Israel hate group releases, Air NZ's PR department, and Russia Today?

It's a major challenge to lampoon TVNZ given that its reality is so much funnier than most fiction.

Just sell TVNZ while it might be worth something and then they can do whatever they like. I dont like the idea that my taxes go to propping it up while it continues to shill for the hard left.

We all have our own bias, preferences, likes and dislikes. Valid or not, across numerous topics, situations and events - for and against…

Perhaps the only truly honest journalist and news outlet is Whaleoil – where at least Slater’s bias is known, proudly worn and transparent for all to see. Yet – even though he’s a political Right – he slams any dodgy politician regardless of which political party they belong to. NBR do so too, to a lesser degree – although without the dogged determination to truly ask the difficult questions whilst holding feet to the flame of the dodgy individual.

TVNZ go out of their way to run negative National Party stories whilst eagerly and sycophantically pushing what ever agenda and news story fed to them by Labour and their union masters… and here’s the proof…

Just take the news of the discovery of Cunliffe’s 2nd secret trust, on top of a week of foot shooting and blunders. His political blood was in the water, all other media sharks were circling – yet TVNZ buried the latest Labour/Cunliffe scandal deep into the news section, giving it a passing gloss over. Yet the leading story was of Crusher Collins having a glass of milk in China several month’s back. WTF?

The blatant political bias at TVNZ has a stench beyond “institutionalised corruption” it’s endemic, rampant and with NZ discovering the extent of cosy/crony Media/Labour Party relations, it’s living, recent proof the tax payer should not be funding a propaganda outlet for the Labour Party.

With 2014 technology enabling everyone multiple outlets to source information and news, the justification today to keep a tax payer funded information dissemination outlet no longer exists. Sell it. Let special interest groups fund their own TV programmes and save the tax payer millions.