It saddens us to report that we have received numerous complaints here at TINABP about the efficacy of our previous "Are you a real journo?” test. 

But wait. Our extensive R&D team, in response, has modified and strengthened the prototype test and added a supercharger and 28-inch performance tyres. 

Thanks to improvements in efficiency, the new test requires just five questions to ascertain whether you are fit and competent to serve on the frontlines of our media.  It also produces 27% less carbon emissions. And the all-new model here below awaits your test drive:

1) You are walking down the road and you come across the scene of a recent mass shooting.  The dead and dying are scattered all over the place.  You:
a.     Give first aid to the injured yourself
b.     Call an ambulance
c.     Call Jim Tucker to figure out the most culturally appropriate course of action
d.     Take photos on your mobile phone and post them on Scoop

2) A "junket" is:
a.  A type of pudding
b.  A small Chinese boat
c.  An unfortunate and inexcusable practice among journalists to accept expensive travel, accommodation and entertainment in exchange for positive coverage of an otherwise un-newsworthy subject.
d.  A totally necessary part of the newsgathering process.  Hello, room service?  Send up the caviar -- immediately!
 
3) Tony Veitch is:
a.    A popular former television presenter
b.    An unpopular former television presenter
c.    The subject of excessive media attention that raises serious concerns about the role of the media in the judicial process.
d.    Filthy scum!

4) A "death knock" is:
a.  When an undertaker comes to your house
b.  The noise your car makes when it is 100,000km overdue for its service
c.  An unfortunate practice whereby journalists inflict themselves in an intrusive and callous manner upon the relatives of people who have recently died in tragic and/or brutal circumstances
d.  The noise inside our head the morning after drinking far too many flaming maitais
 
5) Master Duncan Garner is:
a.    A television reporter of considerable repute
b.    Looking a bit plump lately
c.    A person who wears unfeasibly loud ties -- this shouldn’t be allowed on TV.
d.    Filthy scum!

All finished? If you answered:

Mostly As:  you are Barbara Dreaver.
Mostly Bs:  you are so overwhelmingly boring people could actually be killed by the dreariness of your writing and it would be a major public health hazard if you ever became a journalist.
Mostly Cs:  You are Keith Ng.
Mostly Ds:  You are Duncan Garner.