Judge Jock: Beer swilling judges get Sian’s Hot Poker

First, the News:

The Supreme Court is considering an appeal by Maori interests to delay the Government’s flagship asset sales policy until Maori water claims are dealt with.

Judge Jock reports from inside the Inner Circle on what this means for the judicial mill… Read on…

The Ladies and Escorts Lounge had an unusual melancholy about it.

Johnno, Willie, Suzy and Bob (Their Honours Justices John McGrath, William Young, Susan Glazebrook and Robert Chambers) shuffled over to make room as Sianny (Her Honour Chief Justice Dame Sian Elias) plonked a couple of jugs on the leaner.

Johnno spoke first: “Look, boss, hasn’t this whole Maori water ingrown toenail whatsit sell-off thingie gone a bit too far??? I mean, what more can we dish out to our noble Treaty partners???”

Sian’s icy glare cut him short as she downed her first 12 without touching the sides.

“You lot have no idea how tough farming is these days, not to mention the fact Christchurch was not rebuilt in a day… ”

“How is the family firm getting in my old home town, Mrs F???” quizzed Willie.

“I said not to mention that,” snarled Sian, biting into a piping hot tattie-top.

“So, Guv,” purred Suzy, “The idea is to give Ronnie’s (His Honour Justice Ronald Young) incredibly astute, concise and shining piece of legal wisdom a kick in the guts, then dismiss it out of hand???

“That’s my girl,” blurted Sianny, draining the second jug. “You’re on to it.”

“That way we keep my jolly old Maori chums Maanu, Eddie and Donna on side, Jongky (Prime Minister the Right Honourable John Key) has to think again (that always means much more government spending on lawyers) and we get a moment of fame on the telly… ”

“But of far greater importance, you numbskulls, it doesn’t matter a tinker’s toss what erudite tome we deliver – we continue to justify eye-watering pay packets, keep our overseas trips and secure our jobs a wee bit longer.”

“Remember – tomorrow is another day… And somewhere in the world it is always opening time… ”

“May I say, Ma’am, in keeping with the awe and wonder in which I constantly regard Your Eminence, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you say,” beamed Bob, wiping the drips from Her Honour’s jug.

“Watch it, clever clogs, you haven’t got the Boss’s job yet,” barked Sianny, stooping on her way out to drop a juicy titbit into the discreet ear of Our Man At The Bar.

“If only there were more like you about the Bench, OMATB, life would be a lot jollier,” sighed Her Lovelieness, tucking in her Winkelmann fashion singlet, mounting the double-parked quad bike and heading off in search of stragglers.

Auckland district law society conspiracy theory No 7:

Has Margaret Malcolm, the capable former director of the Auckland district law society and for the moment a special adviser to her justice minister chum Judith Collins, got her eye on a return to the troubled fold?

Judge Jock is told folk at the highest level are said to have it in for ADLS ceo Sue Keppel – unkindly blamed by some for forcing the shock departure of capable long-time LawNews editor Colin Taylor and his capable lawyer/journalist sidekick Catriona MacLennan.

It is cruelly gossiped that Ms K is only there to keep the seat warm in the event the government changes next year and Ms C can’t afford to keep Ms M on.

By which time Ms K is expected to have done her dash at ADLS and Ms M will be welcomed home with an open chequebook.

“Never heard such tosh in all my days,” harrumphed Judge Jock. “This story is well and truly over.”

Judicial Horrorscope for March – Pisces (The judicial G&T carrier)

As a fiery Young J continues on an unshakable collision course with Constellation Elias, Pisceans should beware counting their fee notes too soon. Asset sale fallout expected to bring windfalls and job security for those on the judicial gravy train. Lucky number: A cool million would do nicely…

Times must be tough down south

Eager beaver young Wellington lawyer Mai Chen (loosely translated as How an ethnicly minoritised young Chinese woman struggled to overcome a lifetime of prejudice and learn to love my fellow Kiwis) came north the other day to open a neighbourhood law store.

Lots of folk turned up for a kerbside sossie-sizzle as Ms Chen’s little helpers dished out legal aid application forms. Big hurrahs all round for her gorgeous caravan colour-scheme. Go that girl…

An appreciative senior counsel writes

From: Chris Darlow <ChrisD@grovedarlow.co.nz>
Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2013 11:16:00 +1300
To: jock anderson <janderson@nbr.co.nz>
Subject: 15 February NBR piece

Dear Jock

I could not help but notice your piece in yesterday’s NBR electronic edition.

Please note that I personally am not in a “thorny legal dispute” with Mr Harcourt Gough. Nor are my “pals” in the matter members of Grove Darlow.

I am however flattered by the “swanky” reference. I think you are being too generous.

Chris Darlow | Consultant 

“If I was Chris I’d have you dragged out and soundly horse-whipped,” growled OMATB, giving the Blind Box a good shake.

Yet to appear: Judge Jock examines a privacy issue and cute QC’s show off

Work Under Grave Legal Threat: Pop Up Guide to Being a Judge


Login in or Register to view & post comments