Judge Jock: Taking The Judges' Biscuit, Outsiders Romp Home, More Lawyers Arrested

High Court judges and journalists met in secret this week to talk about stuff.

No details may be released.

However, read more here...

Judge Jock Lends A Hand
“So, Judge Jock,” said Our Man At The Bar, “I see you have been toadying around Their Honours again, scratching backs and currying favour, no doubt… ”

“Whatever do you mean?” asked Judge Jock.

“No use denying it,” barked The Scunner. “You were seen – we saw you sneaking out the side door of the High Court the other day in your flasher’s coat, wiping chocky bicky crumbs off your whiskers… Cough up, you’ve been sprung, you conniving lick-spittle… ”

“Oh that,” said Jock J, rising to his towering 5ft 7ins. “I did wonder who the grubby pair were being shoo-ed away by the constables… ”

“Judge Jock was again passing on to Their Honours his useful and sage advice on matters far too sensitive and complicated to go into here,” a senior judicial communications adviser (name withheld by request) chipped in.

“Anyway, as is his custom and knowing how much like a sieve the High Court Bench is, Judge Jock swore Their Honours to absolute secrecy, confidentiality, Chatham House rules, etc… ”

“And to ram home his heated poker point, Judge Jock promised a jolly good flogging all round for any judicial tell-tale-tits,” said SenJudComAd.

“What I can say is the Judiciary, as always, appreciate Judge Jock’s frank and candid appraisal of how they are performing in these dreadfully disrespectful times for Their Beleaguered Honours... ”

“Firstly, dropping judicial titles and referring, for example, to Her Honour the Queen’s Judge the Honourable Justice (name withheld under fear of pokering) as 'Old Prune Face' really has got to stop,” cried an anguished SenJudComAd.

“While some senior officials within the Ministry of Justice believe such down-home familiarity does helps break down barriers between Judges and their ‘clients’ and allows them to mutually engage more, Judge Jock reminds the Judiciary they have bent too far the other way… ”

“Who’s the bent one?” quizzed The Scunner.

“In future, and thanks to Judge Jock’s timely intervention, Old Prune Face will be known as Madam Old Prune Face – which we believe is a proactive compromise going forward,” said SenJudComAd.

“And in conclusion I am authorised to say that any chocky bicky crumbs which may or may not have been lingering in Judge Jock’s whiskers have been ruled inadmissible in relation to any allegations of dodgy dealing, insider gossip leaking or general Judicial wink-wink… And that’s final,” said SenJudComAd.

Picking winners and dark horses
At their peril, folk in political places scorn Judge Jock’s picks for higher judicial office.

In a surprising poke in the eye to Judge Jock’s inside runner Justice Ellen France, ex-Solicitor-General Justice Terence Arnold (65 or 66), of the Court of Appeal, is the new face on the Supreme Court, replacing the late Justice Sir Robert Chambers (59).

In a carefully worded statement, Attorney-General Chris Finlayson says that as Solicitor-General, Justice Arnold provided “recommendations on the purpose, structure, composition and role of the new Supreme Court”.

“Including a seat for himself???” quizzed The Scunner.

Judge Jock’s usually reliable gossips (JJ, May 24) didn’t give Justice Arnold a look-in for the top court, instead favouring Justices Tony Randerson, Ellen France or Christine French, but that’s judicial politics for you – you just don’t know who to believe.

The failure by Attorney-General Finlayson to appoint Chief High Court judge Justice Helen Winkelmann (54) to the Supreme Court has only intensified speculation she is now much better positioned to become Chief Justice after Dame Sian Elias’ expected retirement in 2014.

A dark horse appointed to the Court of Appeal is popular Justice Forrie (Forrest) Miller, an ex-Bodkins of Alexandra graduate, who became a High Court judge in 2004.

Wellington QC and former Christchurch law clerk Brendan Brown’s elevation to sit in the High Court at Auckland passed with barely a murmour.

It is said Justice Brown knows a few things about intellectual property law, competitiion law, taxation, genetic modification and Treaty of Waitangi issues, especially indigenous flora and fauna.

News just in
The New Zealand Law Society has joined the International Bar Association in applauding the arrest of lawyers.

“Arrest of any member of the legal profession purely because they are a lawyer is long overdue,” an unidentified law society spokesman said from his cell at the Westport police station.

“Lawyers have got away with fraud, till-tickling and widespread panky panky for far too long and someone had to say enough is enough,” the spokesman scribbled on a note smuggled through the bars to Our Man At The Bar’s reliable snitch.

A senior judicial communications adviser had nothing to say.

Meanwhile, more floor space opens up in the Auckland district law society’s multi-million dollar Chancery Chambers as the Exit door works overtime.

Next time
From April 1 next year – an appropriately selected date – it will be compulsory for lawyers to do ten verified hours of continuing professional development each year, or get the heave-ho.

Judge Jock’s easy-to-follow Sharp Practice Guide To Surviving CPD provides plain language step by step advice on how to get round the troublesome requirement.

Get it while it's hot...


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