Judge Jock: Chris Darlow’s secrets safe for now

“I’m surprised photos of such an indelicate nature haven’t burned their way through that thing you call a suit,” chortled Our Man At The Bar, pawing through the pile of tatty titbits.

“Do Their Honours know you took these??? Of course – those two JJs are clearly posing… Oh, so they still wear those natty little leather gadgets…

“Let me see, looks very much like the last knees-up they had down in Rotorua… The one where they body-painted Justice Whosit... And then all ran wigged through the fountain… Yes, look, there’s an old geyser… ”

“But really, you wee scunner, if you want to get back on the cocktail list you are going about it quite the wrong way.

“Instead of banging on about dastardly doings within the Auckland District Law Society Inc, giving oxygen to disaffected legal squealers, digging up the lovely-locked Simon Moore's plastic breasts and firing tasteless broadsides across the noble Northern Club, you need to turn over a new leaf… ”

“While you’re at it, do something useful and slide the Bombay this way…

“Yes, Jock J, for you to get in with the cosy knickers crowd a heap of redemption must be displayed as well as much favour curried…

“No more sneaking into ADLSi Christmas knees-ups under You Know Who’s regalia.

“Chatting up glamorous Silks on street corners is also out of bounds – anyway Paul’s a married man, don’t y’know…

“Pestering folk at Meredith Connell Austerity Chambers about why they quit the firm must stop. Chaps are entitled to jump ship for a new earner.

“Remember, next time Paul Heath comes trundling down Shortland St, yelling out to him to come and sink a few beers provided as he brings money, is no way to address His Honour.

“And if that most honourable ex-Law Society president Chris Darlow and his pals (of swanky blue-chip firm Grove Darlow) are locked in a thorny legal dispute with Harcourt David Gough (of NBR Rich List $300 million Gough family fame) and which is properly played out behind the closed doors of Judicial Chambers, that is absolutely none of your business.”

“But then, why would we expect any of the above would make you change your ways, Judge Jock,” wheezed OMATB, tightening his over-burdened suspenders over a brace of Crabbies.

Coming soon: Mai Chen goes up north for a while, Joe Karam’s shock request that he not be made Chief Justice and Judge Jock names Unsexy QCs who cry foul.

Work in Progress: Judge Jock’s Judicial Horoscopes

Work Under Grave Legal Threat: Pop Up Guide to Being a Judge

janderson@nbr.co.nz